I don’t know whether I’m slowly self-destructing because of the grief over the loss of multiple loved ones or because of my own reluctance to admit that I am truly lazier and stupider than I think I am.
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My dad’s caption on a picture of me standing in front of a bakery counter, taken from behind: “Nick getting good stiff at a bakery in the Village (Greenwich)”
His friend’s comment: “He REALLY likes it there, huh?”
Dad: “Oops. *stuff”
….you couldn’t have edited the caption directly, dad? What’s worse is it looks like I could possibly be yanking it in front of the pastries….and the patrons :P
it’s that sometimes I need to shut up and listen. i’m getting a tattoo of that someday
and deeper into college and the stress that comes with it, and as a result, I’m become increasingly fed up with some of the people around me. I need to strip everything away from my life that weighs me down, and I’m starting with this, a list of what pisses me off:
1. Needless complaining, of the type that is not conducive to one’s growth or the progress of a group. You can be a douchebag on your own time, but don’t waste mine.
2. Petty, unrealistic dramas that cause nothing but discord. If you want attention, do something to earn it and keep it, but don’t cover me in the bad blood that you’re spewing. If you have a problem with someone, FIX IT. See #1.
3. Excuses. So many people are pointing the mirror at everyone but themselves, saying, “it’s not my fault” or “but look at what so-and-so is doing.” They need to cut it the fuck out and own up to their mistakes, admit it, fix it, move on, and try to avoid it next time.
4. The Golden Pedestal of Judgment: so I screwed up, I owned up to it, so you can leave me alone and focus on your issues. If you want to judge me for the way I am, you’d better make sure you’re crystal clear and perfect like a diamond. If you aren’t, I’m just going to throw it back in your face.
Over the last month, I’ve become unnecessarily jaded, and I don’t want to be the person that always snaps back at people, never smiles, and can’t find it in me to have fun. It shouldn’t be like this, I shouldn’t have to feel like hermitting myself constantly. But whenever I look at people, all I see is the scene from Mean Girls in the cafeteria, when she’s imagining everyone attacking each other.
It’ll get better. This semester will end soon, I can go home for an extended winter vacation and forget about everything, then…Japan. And then I’ll feel better, I can come back with a clean slate and start over.
I’m just done with all of this semester.
Wading my way through a flood of study abroad paperwork for Tokyo, Spring 2012, and all I can think about is how quickly I want to wash my hands of this semester and just be in Japan right now.
I feel like everything’s falling apart and I need the time away to figure out how to pick up the pieces. Who knew college could be so much?
I’m not depressed, I’m not inclined towards depression, I’m just ready for a break.
up the wazzu.
“I’ll spend a good half hour on each one, and get a lot done.”
Just started working on one, after being at the coffeeshop for an hour (I was busy blogging….), and I can’t find the words to put on the page…..even though it’s a page of bullshit. Didn’t do enough research and the rough draft’s due on Halloween.
Oh yay I’m so happy right now! XP